Al Anon,a part of Alcoholics Anonymous.What it does and how helpful for families and friends of alcoholics

Al-anon is a meeting for famiiies and friends of alcoholics. I answered this hub question for a female who asks from her own perspective, making the assumption that it is usually the 'male' who is the alcoholic. Not so, and this misnomer can be detrimental for husbands/parents seeking help for their spouses or children. Even recovering alcoholics find that attending AA as well as al-anon meetings help them, because it is a family disease. Some hard core drug users prefer Narc-anon stating they don't relate to all the drinking issues/references, but at the heart of any true addiction are the same principals and attitudes.

I never really understood alcoholism having not grown up with drinkers in my immediate family. Only after we kids were grown, did my parents start having a taste of wine with dinner. People who I knew to be alcoholics seem nice enough, and since I never saw them drunk all the time, just assumed they 'really liked their beer or alcohol'. I did not see the addiction side nor the horrible consequences that go with this disease. No one can be around some who is an alcoholic and not be changed or affected for very long. You either want to avoid them and regard them with disgust or you want to change or fix them. It is this second behavior that normally comes out in family members or friends and what eventually drives them to al-anon. They feel like they are loosing their minds, they become grouchy and irritable without knowing it, they become control freaks or doormats and and all in the name of "helping' the alcoholic. And the worst part is the insidious evolution of the personality change in the people around the alcoholic. Some say you can either drink or take a drug, either way, what's the difference? One's prescription or illegal, the others available everywhere. But the sad, tormented tales of ruined lives, loss of loved ones, death and illness overshadow the fact that this is a documented illness. One would never offer sugar to a diabetic, but how many of us might say "oh one drink won't hurt you" to someone trying to resist, "one cookie won't matter" to the dieter?. What is our role around the addicted person? There are documented studies where family members become 'rescuers' and 'enablers' and alcoholics themselves despite hating the very nature of this dispicable disease they see in a loved one.

So, why al-anon? Al-anon was recommended to me by a parent of someone I knew who drank. However, my own son was developing a problem right under my nose and I was evolving right along with him and slowly loosing my sanity and sense of control over the whats and whys of my behavior towards him. People come to al-anon for different reasons, but the usual first reason is "please tell me how to fix or control this person'. They don't even see their own involvement in it and how they can start living their own lives again. No I'm not saying that the family member caused the alcoholic. The saying goes, "I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it". So why go, they ask?

I guess when a loved ones drinking or drugging finally makes you crazy enough, you too will sadly darken the door of the al-anon rooms. We slink in, shyly, ashamed or embarrassed, worried about being recognized or assumed to be an alcoholic and not in the right place. But what you will find there are people just like yourself, with similar or worse scenarios who have a new lease on life. Not all meetings are alike so they encourage you to visit at least 6 times and even try different locations. Each meeting is different with new people, new stories and answers to questions and problems. They only last one hour, and no cross talk is allowed. You come, you listen or you may speak but no one lectures anyone, no one gives direct advice(unless asked after the meeting.) It is a place where hope is found, laughter is frequent over things others might shudder about and no one judges anyone. It is a place of healing, forgiveness and recovery. And yes we too use the 12 steps just like the AA folks do. But you know what? They work for us too, strangely enough. Even if you don't get help, your words, your story might inspire or comfort someone else. To say people cheered in a meeting when my son was arrested would seem odd to outsiders. To a frazzled parent wondering when or if they will even see their child again, dead or alive; having the peace to finally know where they are, that they are sober and safe can be actually worth smiling over in a weird way. To others, listening to other's jail stories about bailing loved ones out of nasty county jails, going broke giving money to pay bills for chronic abusers and so on gives others the slow, grim realization that they are not alone in this battle. We have wonderful literature and you will make deep and lasting friends, friends 'who though you may not like all of them, you will grow to love them in a special way, the same way they will love you'. I HIGHLY recommend al-anon to anyone who needs it, and you know who you are.